So I have been e-mailing this guy from Salina for about 3 weeks. He is a good Christian man, very affectionate, loves his kids very much, he's not afraid to be in a monogamous relationship - he seems like good relationship material for sure! He had checked out my myspace and facebook and was ok with everything on there. Did I mention he is soooo handsome? grrrrrrrrrrowl! Yesterday, I finally gave him my phone number. We couldn't chat last night - his kids and my daughter were still up, and it was getting late - but maybe tonight.
Today I was online and realized - oh crap - I hadn't done a background check on him yet! I do this routinely with guys I meet online as soon as I get their last name. I had gotten his last name 3 weeks ago, and it had completely slipped my mind. After all, he seemed so great, and such a great Christian, what could go wrong?
You see where this is going. Now he had told me upfront that he got involved with a "young girl" (his high school sweetheart) years ago and they had 2 children together. He also told me he got involved with drugs. It never crossed my mind to think about jailtime. So I go to the Kansas Department of Corrections website, pull up his name..... long pause while the page loads..... and there it was, staring at me like the idiot I am: convicted on one count of indecent liberties with a child when he was 21, possession of meth around 25, and failing to return an address verification to the KBI last year (did I mention how hot he looked in his mugshot?). And like a puzzle, all the pieces of things that I found odd in our online "relationship" came together. That is why he lost his job a few months ago, he got convicted of the last count in June of this year and probably went back to jail for a short time period. That is why he seems like he is hiding something. I had a gut feeling he was, I can't tell you why, I just did. I had no idea it was his rap sheet.
Now, indecent liberties with a child, what does that mean? Well, I believe it means that he was over 18 and she was under 16. One thing is for sure, I will find out. My guess is that his high school sweetheart was a few years younger than him, he got her pregnant, and the parents had him arrested. Is this me being extremely naive? Does it really matter, since I'm a single mother of a 9-year old girl? I have to know. I have never been one to judge people by their past, and the fact that he has a drug conviction from 7 years ago really doesn't phaze me. But indecent liberties with a child? I'm so confused. Part of me says don't EVER communicate with him again. Part of me says that it's not my place to judge him.
There are other fish out there on my hook, so why don't I just throw this one back in as quickly as possible? I guess I just have to know the whole story first. And so, after I finish my glass of wine (my newest pasttime, I decided to start drinking on a daily basis yesterday), I vow to get to the bottom of this, my daily dating drama.
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Ok, well, you certainly know how to pick them, first of all... :)
Second, I think you do owe him a chance to explain. BUT I think (at first, at least) you should leave out the part about you looking up his prior convictions and see if he comes clean on his own - this might be easier if it is done virtually instead of on the phone. Bad things sound worse when said out loud and this would give him a chance to carefully word his answer.
Now, if you ask him if he has ever been in jail (start a story with your friend Angie's brother in law got a DUI and spent the night in jail because his wife refused to go get him, blah blah blah or something). If he fesses up, give a chance. If he does NOT write 'em off and move on...
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